For two years, David Bonney’s sexuality was investigated by his employer, the RAF. When he confessed, he was sent to solitary

David Bonney realised his employer, the Royal Air Force, was investigating his sexuality within minutes of entering the guard room at RAF Mount Batten, a military base near Plymouth. It was 1991 and Bonney, then a 21-year-old medical assistant, had just been escorted from his post at the medical centre by military police. He sat down in the guard room, opposite the duty staff, and the interrogation began.

“Questions about my sex life,” says Bonney, now 55. “Questions about witnessing me with other gay people. Questions about things I said on the phone to my mother.” He says there was shouting, swearing, banging on the desk. “Threats to me, threats to my career, threats to my family.” Bonney hadn’t told anyone in the military that he was gay. Before 2000, it was illegal for gay people to serve in the British armed forces and he knew a confession would cost him his career. “They wanted to get rid of me,” he says. “Anything they could to just manipulate me into confessing, to frighten the hell out of me.”

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I’ve never dated online before and am open to the idea. But I’m worried that what starts with light flirting could lead to big problems

My husband and I have a very happy relationship but lately he has been suggesting that we go on Tinder to speak to other men “just for fun”. He doesn’t mind if I go on alone or we go as a couple (though I’m sure he would like that), but he says it would be fun to flirt online with other gay men. I can see how it would be fun and I’m open to the idea, but worried that it will open a can of worms. My main concern is that a friend would see me on there and wonder what’s going on. We are a little older and have never dated online before, which is part of the appeal for him. I’m very secure in our marriage and I don’t think he is looking around or doesn’t think I’m enough for him, and we are very honest with each other. Do you think this could be something fun or will it lead to too many problems?

It doesn’t sound like it would be fun for you. Tinder is not just for flirting, so it seems likely that your husband may be interested in having sex with other men. Would you be open to that? Or is that the “can of worms” to which you were referring? You say you are very honest with each other, so why not address that frankly? You don’t have to worry about someone seeing you on the app because if so, they are doing the same thing. Many couples seek additional sex partners on online platforms, and some do experience problems; even when there is agreement about it jealousies can arise – and there can be safety issues as well. Don’t venture into this arena unless you feel you can handle it. And, if you decide to go ahead with it make sure you and your husband first establish clear ground rules.

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Ambition once came with a promise: a home, a salary, progress and fulfilment. What happens when that promise is broken? Meet the women who are turning their backs on consumerism, materialism and burnout

Rose Gardner did everything right. Straight As at school and college, a first-class degree from a top university, a master’s. She got a job in publishing and rose through the ranks of some of the industry’s most prestigious companies before getting a job with a media organisation. Eventually, she bought her own flat in London.

But each time she reached a new milestone, she didn’t feel any real joy.

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Comfort Eating’s culinary standards might have been permanently raised after two-Michelin-star chef Tom Kerridge’s visit. But he’s not exactly one to show off. Growing up in Gloucester, Tom always wanted to recreate the homely meals he’d find at his local pub or at his mum’s on Sundays.

With a brief detour on to the acting stage, Tom started his career working at some of the country’s top restaurants. In the rock’n’roll era of fine dining, suddenly it was cool to be working in a restaurant late at night.

But as Tom and Grace discuss, a world of late hours and excess triggered multiple health problems for him. Going sober and solo, Tom started running his own businesses and success quickly followed. So what exactly does a top chef snack on when they’re not winning awards? You might be surprised …

New episodes of Comfort Eating with Grace Dent will be released every Tuesday

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Retailers cut the price of Easter treats, clothing and electrical items as consumer spending slowed

Inflation in shop prices in the UK has eased to the lowest level for more than two years after retailers cut prices on Easter treats, clothing and electrical goods amid a slowdown in spending by consumers in the cost of living crisis.

Industry figures show prices rose at an annual rate of 1.3% in March, down from a rate of 2.5% in February – the slowest pace since December 2021, according to the latest monitor from the British Retail Consortium (BRC) trade body and the market research firm NielsenIQ.

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Kit’s resemblance to infamous SS rune of Nazi paramilitary wing unintentional, company says

Adidas has banned football fans from customising the German national shirt with the number 44 due to its alleged resemblance to the symbol used by Nazi SS units during the second world war.

The Schutzstaffel (SS), a paramilitary organisation of Adolf Hitler’s Third Reich, was tasked with carrying out the industrialised genocide of Jewish people across Europe.

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Many ingredients in fragrance formulas can be harmful, but there are safe ways to help your home smell inviting and fresh

Most of us think nothing of lighting a scented candle when we take a bath, burning some incense next to our yoga mat, or spritzing room spray when our homes need freshening up. But depending on the products we’re using, we may be inadvertently exposing ourselves to harmful chemicals, and decreasing the air quality in our living space.

The global home fragrance market, worth $7.6bn in 2023 and projected to grow to almost $20bn by 2030, is booming. But environmental and health watchdogs, including the Environmental Working Group and Women’s Voices for the Earth , have long criticized the industry for a lack of transparency about ingredients.

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At the 2006 World Cup, the England team’s wives and girlfriends could drink, shop and pose all they liked. Eighteen years on, fun seems to be in short supply

It raises all kinds of sad questions to hear that the England footballers’ wives and girlfriends are heading to Euro 24 with £100,000 worth of private security . The whole point of the Wags was that they occupied a timeless place, untouched by current affairs or the pace of change. They never had to justify themselves with good works or decorum. Not even the gristliest, dungaree-clad feminist (me, let’s say) minded their self-fashioning as pure adornments for their celebrated menfolk. They could have careers of their own, or not have careers; drink WKD or drink kale juice; they could have been poets or they could have been fools. In the modern business of perpetual censure, they were (as the management consultants would put it) outside scope.

And perhaps they still are, and the German government is overreacting in its perception of a terrorist threat from Islamic State Khorasan Province , the IS offshoot thought to be behind the Moscow attack last month . But the caution is probably warranted. Nothing is sacred to a terrorist, and the random sanctity of a Wag – the vanishingly rare social agreement to just enjoy the sight of them living their best lives – must be like a red rag to a bull, when you’re a misogynist death cult.

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Bring back raucous changing rooms and friendly smiles – things you can’t buy online

Here’s a funny thing. The less we go to the shops, the more we shop. We buy more stuff than ever, now that we can do so without leaving the sofa. We have bypassed the bus ride into town, stepped back from the revolving doors and escalators, silenced the tinkle of muzak, skipped the exchange of smiles and niceties with sales assistants, forgotten what it feels like to journey home from the chase with shopping bags tucked next to tired legs. Instead, we can spend our hard-earned cash with the frictionless brush of an index finger, and collect our spoils from the doormat a few days later.

This, surely, is the worst of both worlds. Let us imagine for a moment a sliding-doors scenario, in which writing shopping trips out of the story had reduced our appetite for stuff. If, thanks to technological advances, we bought what we needed, and only what we needed. Imagine if the technology had been wired so that we could click on and buy a black mascara and a pair of navy socks, or whatever, and leave it at that, without the siren call of a pile of fluffy jumpers or a charming display of splatterware mugs leading us into temptation. Imagine if online shopping had been an Ozempic for shopaholics, blunting our greed, reconnecting us with our willpower. It would still have been bad for bricks-and-mortar shopkeepers, it would still have left ugly grey-shuttered gaps to blight our high streets like rotten teeth – but it would have been in the service of a healthier planet.

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